HOMESICK

Hello, blog. Today, I did nothing except walk to the store and get more yogurt, milk, and other stuff. I think I should get more savory foods.

I MISS THE MIDWEST!!! I want to go back home. I just want to play games all day with my brother and cousins and not think about doing my laundry. Ugh. I’m so sad. I didn’t think I’d ever get homesick here in Japan. Maybe it’s because I’ve stayed inside all day again and watched youtube shorts + single inferno + saw movies. I’m beginning to dislike days like these. These “rest days” feel so emotionally draining sometimes because at the end, I think “wow. That was such an unproductive and terrible day and now I want to jump off of a roof.” Either I need to allow myself to rest somehow or set a goal to do something. Maybe I can make some art while watching the saw movies or something, so on these days, I don’t feel like I completely wasted a day on Earth.

I love living actually. It’s almost like everyday I experience something new and I learn more. I love learning about myself and reflecting upon it. Like today, I learned that I don’t enjoy a full day of doing nothing. I also learned that the times when my father would pick me and my brother up over the weekends to go to Chicago feel like the best of my life. I seriously loved it. Now I’m crying again. Oh gosh. I think what I like the most about those times is that I was experiencing my youth to the fullest. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t alone. Maybe because I love my dad and brother. I seriously love those guys. They tick me off sometimes.

I think about my dad a lot these days. Maybe I should call him…

I cried at random times today. Anytime I heard anything midwest emo sounding, or that reminded me of the times with my brother and dad, my tears just began swelling. I don’t cry much nowadays. I really have to force the tears out if I want to cry, but today, I just couldn’t help it. Even now I’m crying thinking of these things. I feel like I’ve say it enough, but I truly miss them… I also learned I love stripes.

Okay, I have to memorize some stuff for school tomorrow. I think my sensei thinks our class is a bunch of idiots because we don’t do the schoolwork sometimes and she’s like “this is literally so simple,” even though it’s not. I also have to make preparations according to my plans after I get back to the states. I’m excited to see my family. Peace and じゃね！