ALBUM + A WHOLE LOT MORE

2026.06.04

Dear blog. I have something to announce to you: I am in the midst of creating an album!

MY ALBUM
The most exciting part about this album for me is that it actually means something. It’s been a long while since I made songs driven by my current emotions rather than the want to create a technically good song or to sound like a different, better artist. I’ve probably not produced like this ever since the first album I made on garage band in seventh or eighth grade. This year has been the most fun I’ve had making songs, and I think you can hear it compared to my previous creations. I’m so proud of myself I could cry.

Subjectively, the themes of this album convey something dark. I think of abuse, digital addiction, anxiety, parasociality, but also exploration and individualism. This album is a playground of all of the various emotions I’ve felt growing up / becoming an adult.

Ugh, It’s difficult to explain my emotional journey throughout the album with words, but I guess that’s why the songs do all the talking.

The name of this album will be “むしばむ,” meaning to be eaten by worms / to eat into. Take that as you will.

Anyway, what I really was most excited to share with you is the cover art! I know I am quite artistically inclined in most fields, but I decided to enlist my friend, Emi-san to create the cover art instead. I told her the concept I want to convey, and she totally delivered. Of course it’s just a sketch/outline of the real deal but look:

I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!! I’m so excited to see the final result!!! I have to tell you guys the poem she wrote for the art:

“her world being a home for death, the little flower cannot seem to ever open up her petals to be seen by the flowers she desires to be with.“

WTFREAK? I’m so happy that I met her she is way too cool for me. I love discussing with her too. Once after school, she invited me to eat dinner with her at some takoyaki place. While walking, she straight up told me she didn’t want to talk on the way there, and I appreciated how easy it was for her to set boundaries. It was inspiring. She’s an incredible artist too. She’s so fun to hang out with too! Gosh, seriously, the coolest.

I’ve been planning the music video for one of the songs since February of this year. One time, my grandmother told me and my brother a certain story that I don’t think I should share here, but just know it was very traumatizing and terrible. I think about this story every week or so, and it sort of inspired the general idea of the music video. I will need a child actor, two adults, and a bunch of abandoned places I can have access into. It’s a pretty big project, but I can do it since I really want to see it come to fruition. I’ve learned that if you truly want something enough, it will eventually manifest one way or another.

TURNING INTO THE BOOK PROTAGONIST?
On another note, I’ve been feeling way more hyper lately and I think it’s because of the book I’m reading. When I read books, I sort of become the person I’m reading about. The book I just got done reading had a super hyper protagonist, he’d always be talking about nonsense and now I feel like I’m spewing nonsense like in yesterday’s post. This phenomenon needs to be studied. Although, I don’t mind being super jittery because I am more productive this way. I’m able to actually leave my dorm and join society which is great. I feel better about myself. An addition symptom to my hyperactivity is that I walk, like, a lot. Today, I think I walked like 3 hours and it’s only 12:50 p.m.

Today I want to go back to that vegetarian Okonomiyaki place filled with foreigners because by golly, it was so good. I don’t enjoy being surrounded by so many foreigners though. Sometimes, they’re really disrespectful. I am not them, hence I want to separate myself. It really doesn’t matter actually. Whatever.

I’M AWARE
I am quite aware of how terrible my spelling was on yesterday’s post. ごめん。 I am also aware of the various moles showing up on my body. There’s a new one on the bottom right of my left palm. I am aware of how tensed my triceps are. I need to do something about that. I think I might do yoga or something because at my age, I get to have the option to protect/stretch/strengthen my muscles. Thankfully, it’s not a necessity to do these things just to live comfortably. Though, I don’t want something irreversible to happen and I end up having to get surgery or something because I chose not to properly care for my body. That’s scenario actually scares me, so I’m gonna do my best to care for my body! がんばりましょう！Let’s do our best together, reader! Also, the positive affirmations I have been doing every morning have been quite beneficial. It’s great. It’s all about setting the mold for what the day will flower into.

God, there’s this guy clipping his nails behind me, it’s so genuinely annoying. I’m gonna choose to leave this space now. That’s the incredible part about existing: we always have choice. I LOVE THAT!

TODAY IS A GREAT DAY! (Instagram DID NOT ruin it this time; It actually enhanced it.)
Some crazy great things happened to me today and I think it’s due to the fact that I left my dorm at 7 am and walked around for a total of 4 hours today. Here’s what today looked like in order:

Woke up, brushed teeth/washed face, got dressed in my blue striped shirt and Uniqlo straight legged jeans
Walked to Umeda, tried finding a cafe, ended up in Osaka station on the rooftop (incredible view, it’s like at least 40 floors high.)
Went to the rooftop Family Mart (ファミマ日本語で) to get lotion + salmon onigiri, ate onigiri on the rooftop while listening to Kurt Cobain biography.
Took train to 本町駅. Walked around.
Went to Cotti Coffee to get an oat milk latte for 390 yen. Oishi sou.
Walked to school, wrote more stuff in blog, created a finance spreadsheet.
Walked around 心斎橋 to find a nice place to eat
Ate an Osaka curry set (定食) at some Chinese restaurant (おいしくてやすかった。）It had a SESAME BALL with red bean which is literally my favorite dessert. It was the most greaseless, red-bean-packed sesame ball I’ve ever had which makes it the best.
Went to class
Had an incredible time talking to everyone in Japanese. Today, we practiced casual Japanese, the kind you use with your friends. It was super fun talking to everyone I laughed so much, I almost peed my pants and farted while presenting in front of class. I especially love リリさん since she totally reminds me of Lola. Also, everyone is calling me マヤちゃん now, so that’s nice. I feel so much more comfortable with my classmates now. Those positive affirmations are really doing wonders!
Talked with Jessica-san, Hanni-san, and Sasaki-sensei a little about going to Kyoto.
Took train back to Umeda, bought an onigiri from a specialty onigiri place
Walked to 7-11 to get this really good chocolate candy.
Walked back to my dorm, ate, watched Instagram
Found out an old friend from high school began following me! Wow!
conversed with her.
Continued writing in blog
Cleaned my clothes
took a shower
Listened to more of Kurt Cobain’s biography
Went to sleep

Throughout the day, I went back and forth from listening to Kurt Cobain’s biography to Nirvana’s actual songs. Now knowing Kurt Cobain inside and out, I can genuinely enjoy their music. I was indifferent before, but now I can understand it. Plus, I feel like I look like someone who listens to Nirvana. I don't mind that.

OH, I also want to say that during class I’ve been putting up this little owl plushie Raffaele-san gifted Hanni-san and I on my desk every day. I’ve received numerous compliments on it and petting it's belly is a useful stress reliever. I love it so much. Anyway, エラさん told me that me and the owl both have huge eyes, and she called me pretty for it. That was a nice thing to say because growing up, I was insecure about the size of my eyes. My brother always made fun of them saying I have bug eyes. I wondered why I didn’t have wolf/siren like eyes like American girls. In Japan, people love huge eyes. It’s my strongest trait. I think I look cuter with huge eyes anyway. Love my classmates.

Tomorrow, I want to eat something nice for lunch again. I also want to get that oatmilk latte again. I have a budget of 1600 yen for food so I have to budget wisely. I realize I’m in a better mood when I’m fed, so it’s best to eat a good meal before going to school. I'll probably have hamburg steak.

This might be my longest post yet. Woohoo? IDK. It’s definitely because I’m super hyper today which is strange because I expended so much energy. Strange is the human brain, amirite? Okay, I need to sleep now. Before I do, I just want to express how appreciative I am for the blog. I love posting here everyday. I can’t imagine my life without blogging now. I’m learning so much about myself at an accelerated rate. This blog is my prized possession. Thank you for being here. じゃね。

P.S. Today’s Osaka curry set: