ALL BOOTS ON THE GROUND POST

dear blog. today, I want to speak honestly and entirely about my 19-year-old experience since i want to sort of normalize the thoughts I’ve had instead of suppressing them and considering them weird. that being said, I’ve thought about what it’s like to date someone a lot over this past year. I’ve always been curious about it, especially being surrounded by people in relationships for my entire life. Though, the concept has always been scary to me. so much vulnerability and potential rejection. but having been an adult for a year and inching closer to my twenties, I’m realizing so much about the world that makes the whole idea of dating seem very miniscule. For example, I love music so much. I can go without being, or thinking about being in a relationship my entire life as long as I have music by my side. i also want to say that it’s okay to have crushes, it’s okay to be rejected. i’ve never been rejected romantically before because I’ve never been in a romance nor attempted to pursue it, but that may change in the future. I hope to experience a relationship at least once in my life to settle my curiosities, but I know that will only come with patience.

xenophobe
blog, I think I’m turning more people into anti-foreigners. today in the subway station, I literally had the longest attempting-to-pass-but-continuing-to-step-in-each-others-way interaction with a Japanese woman. I swear, we were literally mirroring each other for like eight seconds. it was so awkward. During it, she made this sigh that was either a “i have somewhere to be!” sigh or “these darn foreigners…” sigh, though that might just be my internal xenophobia thinking. InXe is truly no joke. every time I see a foreigner, I don’t want to be associated with them in the slightest. I even waited to go in line just so I wasn’t seen next to this foreigner. It’s truly bonkers I tell you. irrational. terribly irrational. that’s what my brain naturally leads to.

blog, tomorrow I’m a little scared to go to school. I haven’t seen any of my classmates since last week and I really am excited to see them, but I don’t want them worrying about me at all. I’m fine, a little. i’m doing a little fine, so they don’t have to worry about me. i also have not studied in the slightest for the four days I was gone. i need to do that ASAP. like, actually right now.

ILLIT
before I study, I have to say that I was so friggin’ happy today passing an ILLIT pop up store. Strangely, I don’t think I’ve ever really talked about my love for ILLIT (other than my disappointment at their sold out concert). ILLIT is a k-pop girl group consisting of 5 members: Yunah, Munju, Moka, Wonhee, and Iroha, all ranging in age from 18-21. I like them for various reasons: they’re all around my age, silly, adorable, and their music + choreo is addicting. Every morning, afternoon, and night, I check what new things they’ve posted. as of recent, they performed a new song with Le Serrafim & Katseye called “Iconic By Mistake.” I like it. Though, consuming their content as often as I do is totally not doing anything for the body dysmorphia I may be disposed to since they’re all really skinny right now. like, terrifyingly skinny IMO. when I began watching them nearly a year ago, I appreciated how healthy/normal bodied they seemed as opposed to other groups who’ve normalized being really, really skinny. it’s truly concerning watching them perform. even when I walk around the streets of Osaka and I see people who are technically k-pop-idol skinny, it’s alarming. but alas, I am no doctor, dietician, whatever, so I have no business saying anything about what healthy looks like. I just hope that these young girls won’t have to deal with health problems down the line just to fit some arbitrary standard, and the same goes for myself, my family, and maybe the entire world. your health isn’t worth sacrificing for attention/entertainment. though, I suppose it is their job. People are always sacrificing their health for money so… maybe I don’t know anything. anyway, I bought a cute bag, a keychain, and a play at the capsule toy machine. it dispensed the one I didn’t want, so I might go again. I wanted to buy the towel too.

blog, I’m gonna end this very honest post with a short gratitude list: i love my airpod pros, i like the stickers on my computer, I love Aquarius, i like walking on the bridge, I like watching asian babies/children, i like picking earwax out of my ear. now, for an even shorter un-gratitude list: i’m not grateful for milk. i need to stop drinking milk because i’ve been acid refluxing. ok, じゃね！