my mind is a web
2026.06.16
Dear blog, I’m noticing I’m more attention-seeking/pick-me nowadays. I think it’s because I feel more lonely + overconsumption of the internet. I’ve also learned another factor of my emotional stability: the cleanliness of my clothing. Now that I’ve cleaned my clothes (+bought more fitting clothes), I feel way better and hence way swaggier walking down the streets. Doing laundry is epic!!!
maya when 3 hours of sleep
Journal, I only got nearly three hours of sleeps so every time I’m close my eyes for more than two seconds, I am falling asleep. Getting three hours of sleep is normal for some people like Nagira Sensei, but I usually get about eight hours. It was because I was up last night watching Youtube and Instagram. Plus, I’m genuinely sick, so my brain is sleeping by default. (About 10 hrs later…) oh god, I’ve literally never felt so bad before in my life it feels terrible having no sleep.
whuddup my younginz
When I get back to ‘Merica, maybe I’ll want to make more friends with young people. I realized this when I was watching vlogs of young people doing fun stuff with their young people friends, but I think they might have been friends since childhood. The only young people I’ve been lifelong friends with are my brother, my brother’s girlfriend, and my cousins. Maybe that’s why I love hanging out with them so much. Maybe I can just hang out with them forever. Does that sound creepy? IDK.
I LOVE MY FRIENDS!
Blog, I have to tell you something… life is hard right now. I am aware of my privilege to not have to work to live. I am so grateful for that. It’s hard in a different domain, maybe feeling too alone. I don’t like being alone right now. It’s… well… too lonely. Though, I am so blessed to have Jessica-san and the rest of my classmates. They care about me and that is enough to make me cry right now, though it might just be sickness or three hours of sleep. I was sitting in the happy pancakes thinking about Nhu-san and how beautiful of a spirit she was. I was recalling when we shared fluffy pancakes. Truly, I never thought I’d ever make dependable friends for the entirety of my life. For example, I told Jessica-san yesterday that I haven’t been eating because I just don’t want to go to the store recently. Today she was concerned about me eating something before going back home. It was a very small gesture, but such a big impact on me. She said she’s gonna be my “Italian grandmother”and tell me to eat something. It was heartwarming. I truly love all of them. And also, today we attempted to correct Arui-san’s “Indascran” to “Instagram.” We got close to “insta.” Wow, what a perfect way to conclude this chapter in my life almost since one of my first posts was about the same exact mispronunciation from Arui-san. He boght me an American coke today.
my mind is a web
Okay, blog. I think I’m gonna figure out what to do for the ten days after class is done. Maybe I’ll go to this place Jessica-san recommended me, Beppu. They have an onsen there. I think I should go to an onsen at least once while here. Also, today I went to the board game store with Jessica-san, Braven-san, and Arui-san and I got three games to bring back to the fam-kablam. It’s gonna be fun. BTW, that game store was very nostalgic.
Blog… I have a lot more to say actually, but all very random thoughts. I don’t want to make a list, so you’re just gonna have to bear with my stream of thoughts. First of all, I am finally reaching out for help from professional people about making music since I’m gonna become a music producer or DJ or something in the future. Second, I’m noticing that this blog really captures the whole range of emotions I feel throughout the day since I write whenever I have time, such as on the train, waiting for fluffy pancakes, etc. Third, I am so tired I know but I am really energetic when it comes to writing. I know when I can write a lot when my brain feels like it’s being torn apart into stringy, sticky webs. Does that make sene? Oh god, I swear I’m not going insane I think.Fourth, I want to but more tops that reveal my shoulders/more of my neck region because I think they look super cute on me. I also want to buy some skincare products before heading back to ‘Merica. I need to figure some things out right now…
I feel better now. The universe can bring me down, but I always get right back up and keep-a-running! I’LL NEVER STOP. ok, 本当じゃね。